I'm WAY behind on getting this posted. But after stumbling upon this article some time ago, I had to throw in my two cents. What better time to do it, than while the beautiful Miss Carrie is on vacay and I'm holding down the fort!? (I'm Boobies, by the way! Nice to meet you!)
The other day while I was reading trending stories on Facebook, (because it's important for me to know that Kim & Kanye are now known as Kimye) I came across an article.
15 Biggest Beauty Turnoffs from Real Guys
Curiosity killed this cat. I like to get inside the male psyche from time to time. I had no idea that guys had 'beauty turnoffs' so I dug right into this. And you know what? It pissed me off.
"It gets on my nerves when women take too much time on makeup. You would think after a lifetime they would have the process down to less than 45 minutes!" -Christopher
A lifetime? I'm not Zsa Zsa Gabor. I haven't been wearing makeup for a 'lifetime.' So sorry that you feel like your girl takes too much time putting her makeup on, Christopher. You know what gets on my nerves? When men don't take ten minutes to groom themselves. The full bush under the armpits is out, boys. Trim that shit. We don't care if it takes you 45 minutes.
"I'm picky about oral hygiene - brushing, flossing, mouthwash. She has to brush her teeth before bed and in the morning before we kiss. That extra care once we reach a certain level of intimacy is important." -Rod
Dear Rod,
I'm not making a special trip to the sink before you wake up just so I don't have yuck mouth. How about you make a trip down south and kiss something else? I'm guessing Rod has trouble keeping a girlfriend. But that's just a hunch.
"I can't stand when she has wet hair after the shower and lays on my pillow, I usually roll over on the wet spot." -Jeff
I don't know about you girls, but I think we've laid in the wet spot long enough. Turnabout is fair play, Jeff. Deal with it.
"My wife doesn't dye her hair often enough. I don't like to see those dark roots." -Anonymous
At least this idiot was smart enough to stay anonymous.
"Certain scents turn me off. I don't like anything cucumber or vanilla. I've told my girlfriend that I like her natural smell better." -Josh
Maybe she's trying to cover up YOUR natural smell, Josh?! Just sayin.
"I wish my girlfriend would get a manicure more often instead of doing it herself. She is pretty low-maintenance." -Shaun
First they bitch that we're high maintenance. Now Shaun here, is complaining that she's not high maintenance enough. Bipolar much?
"I don't like extensions because when you put your hands in her hair you can feel all the lumps. It might be good to look at but not to touch." -Robert
Robert, Robert, Robert. NEVER touch a girl's weave. EVER.
"My wife spends 20 minutes after the shower putting on body lotion. Apparently it has to be applied evenly. For me, it is just a time suck." -R.D.S.
I hope R.D.S.'s wife lets her skin go to shit and rubs it ALL over him every chance she gets. You guys honestly don't think we're just blessed with silky smooth skin, do you?
"Those thick eyelashes that women put on are annoying. It makes a woman stick out and people know that they aren't real. I like a woman who looks nice and natural. Regular people don't need all those eyelashes." -Lindsay
Lindsay, you have a girl's name. Shut up.
"Excessive tattoos. I think inappropriately placed tattoos are a turnoff. No matter how pretty she is. Plus, they are addictive. You get one, you have to have another." -Anonymous
Enough said.
"I hate hair all over the sink and floor. I wish women would be mindful of how their beauty products and hair can clog up a common space, especially the bathroom." -Stevie
Stevie-your back hair is probably an equal contribution to the clog problems you're having. We hate when you piss all over the floor, so let's just call it even.
"They don't put caps back on things or they put it on but they don't screw it on so when I go get something it spills." -Connor
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Seriously?
"I hate it when women wear any type of fragrance - I like showers." -Bryan
If she's not showering, Bryan-it's because she doesn't want to have sex with you. I don't blame her.
"My wife uses scrubs and bath salts in the tub, and the grains never go down the drain. All that oil makes the bath so slippery." -Darrell
And I'm willing to bet my left tit that your wife cleans said shower for you.
Am I tripping? Or are these guys RIDONK? These aren't even valid 'beauty turnoffs.' In fairness, I want to hear from my male readers. (Because I know you guys are the REAL GUYS.) Tell me what YOU find to be beauty turnoffs. Make them good, or I'll flip out.
Ladies, what are YOUR turnoffs for the opposite sex?
XO, Boobies